A Letter to Emma on Graduation Day

Almost exactly two years ago to the day, we dropped off our daughter Emma for her first full day at her Montessori preschool. Like most parents, as hard as it was for her it was even harder for us. Even though we still had some reservations about having Emma away from the safety of very tiny pandemic bubble, my wife Christiana and I both felt that it would be an even bigger risk to her socialization skill set if we continued to live in essential captivity. Emma completed the summer camp session in 2021 and then enrolled in the Fall academic year program, continuing to expand her world and meet new challenges along the way. 

Here we sit two years later on her preschool graduation day, overwhelmed with emotion and with hearts full of gratitude for all who have helped her in becoming the little lady she has already become. This morning after I dropped her off one last time before graduation, I took a few moments to reflect on the magnitude of this moment in time. I decided to capture my thoughts in a letter to Emma for her to experience down the road if she so chooses. I thought I'd share it with all of you who have followed our family's journey on a weekly basis. Maybe you've been reading my reflections for the last decade? Maybe you just started following along today? Either way you make a difference in my life and I am so grateful for your loving support.


Dear Emma,

Today is your graduation day. I have watched you grow and you have helped me grow. Our soul contract which was written in the stars long before you were a thought in my head, a glimmer in my eye or an essence in my heart has been the greatest gift I could have ever imagined in this lifetime. When I was a young man, I dreamed about having a son with whom I could share the family name I was given. The name that has been passed on for six generations - James Henry Herbert. It was as if in some way I would be able to validate my own existence by passing on the family legacy that came with the power of the name. Little did I know back then Emma, that you would come in as such a powerful force of nature that you would not require any such power to come from anything outside yourself like a name or any specific gender. 

That was one of first lessons you taught us: the one where you made us change the original name we had selected for you. We had originally chosen the name Brigid for you in honor of the Irish warrior goddess of the same name. When your spirit energy told us that you wanted a softer name that was more resonate with the original sound vibration of the Universe, we thought to ourselves, "We are NOT going to name our daughter Aum!" Over the next few weeks though, you sent us messages in subtle ways and led us to the rolling sound of Emma, to which we added the two other names Brigid and Grace as an acknowledgement of both your raw power and the grace with which you would learn to wield that power.  When I look at you now I can't imagine you with any name other than the one you chose for yourself. 

It was so painful for me to watch you struggle as you began your own hero's journey in life at school. What parent doesn't question themself as the pull away from the doors of the school watching their child screaming and crying? It was you who gave me strength in those moments though, because I reminded myself how hard you fought to find me as I meandered my way through life for 53 years waiting and wondering if my time as a father would ever arrive. If you had enough faith to wait over 50 years for me to come and get you, clearly I should have the faith that you would figure out how to navigate the sometimes turbulent waters of the sea of life. 

I've treasured all our mornings together eating cereal and watching Daniel Tiger or whatever else your current whim might fancy. When this whole preschool thing started, you used to sing in bed when you woke up or call for me to come and get you because you still hadn't figured out how to get out of your crib. Oh how I cherished hearing the sound of your little voice repeatedly calling, "Daddy....daddy...daddy..." as I grabbed my robe and headed your way to find you standing at the rails waiting to be lifted out. Now you frequently get up while I am still lying in bed doing my prayers and mediation. I love it when I hear you opening the door to mommy and daddy's bedroom and you come in and reach for my hand and lead me to the front room as the day's first light floods in through our big bay window - the same window I looked out five years ago on those chilly winter mornings when you were merely a few days old. 

As much as I love when you come to get me, my favorite days are still the ones where you sleep a little later than I do and I come to wake you up. I like those days the best because I get to watch you while you are sleeping for a moment and then you wake up groggy and push your eye mask up to the top of your head just like I do. On those mornings you often still ask me to carry you to the front room where we sit down on the couch in silence until you are awake enough to engage with the day. My default setting would have me up and doing things at a frenetic pace, but instead you have taught me to be still. The precious silence in between the notes of life create the harmony of life's symphony. Without the silence between the notes there is nothing but a cacophony of noise and I am grateful to you for being my maestro is so many ways. 

While you have already accomplished so many things, this graduation day in some ways is the first major "milepost" day in your life: a day that you will likely remember well into the future when you are raising your own children if you choose to do so. Many other mileposts will follow this one. Soon you will lose your first tooth. Next will come Kindergarten graduation. Like a flurry you will fly through grade school, learn to drive a car (gulp!) and start looking at colleges if they still exist by then. Along the way you will get your heart broken and you will very likely break a few hearts of your own. Eventually you may choose a life partner and potentially start to build your own family. My hope is that I will be here to watch you move past the many mileposts on the path ahead, sometimes soaring and sometimes stumbling. 

Whether I am here in a body or not as you cross these future mileposts, always remember that I will be there for you in Spirit to celebrate your achievements and to pick you up, hug you and push you back along on your way when you fall....just like Grandpa Jim has done for me in the 25 years since he left his body and transcended into the Spirit realm to live in peace and harmony for eternity. 

You have taught me so many things Emma.  I think the most valuable is that you have taught me that I have the capacity to love so big that it makes my heart overflow with joy and sadness all at the same time...and that the duality of those two things is what makes me real. Just like the Skin Horse teaches us in The Velveteen Rabbit, "it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept." You have taught me how to be broken with grace, to soften my edges and to surrender into the chaos of life with gratitude so I can be more real. 

Today I will watch you sing your song, recite your poem and take the stage in the cutest little cap and gown that I have ever seen. I know my heart will be beaming with pride. I will also shed many tears that will co-mingle the taste of the joy I feel watching you grow along with the grief of knowing that things will continue to change as your world expands beyond the world of daddy and Daniel Tiger. 

It's a fitting coincidence that just the other night I had a bit of a graduation of my own. I attended a graduation ceremony for my first ever Path to Spirt Warrior training that I completed with 35 men this past weekend. What a nice reminder that the mileposts will continue to come for us, both individually and collectively no matter how many years pass by. Thank you Emma for inspiring me to continue to become a better version of myself so I can be the best daddy, husband and human that I can be. In becoming a better human, I prepare myself for the richness of the Spirit journey that will continue long after I have crossed my final milepost on this earth. 

Happy Graduation Dear Emma. I love more than I even knew I was capable of loving....

Daddy 




Well that's it for this time. Stay tuned for more information about the next cohort for The MindSmith Academy starting in June as well as the launch of the Water of Life Men's Community. After a one year sabbatical from moderating men's groups, I'm ready to "get back into the water" and I couldn't be more excited. Love and blessings,