Another Hurdle Cleared

About a month ago, I worked a double shift at Joe’s. In the past, that double shift hardly would’ve been a newsworthy event. In fact for well over a decade, I worked what was lovingly referred to as “Jim’s Triple Tuesday” where I taught two yoga classes in the morning from 6:00 AM to 9:00 AM and followed that up with a 12-hour day on the door at Joe’s from 10:00 AM to 10:00 PM. As I think back on those days now, the first question I ask myself is, “How in the world did I do that?” The second and more important question I’ve begun to ask myself more often in the last few years is, “WHY in the hell did I do that?” 

That second question is a much deeper topic for contemplation, but for now let’s return to my double shift last month. Typically I only work one or two lunch shifts a week at Joe’s, but my manager was in a bind because a few different people were on vacation at the same time, so at the last minute I agreed to stay and work the night shift on a Friday that I was already working lunch. It was the first time I worked a double shift at Joe’s in almost 5 years.

So many things have changed in those five years. As an entrepreneur and father of a six-year-old, I’m usually in bed by 9:30 PM and awake by 5:00 AM so I can have some time to get things done on my own in the wee hours of the morning while much of the world (and my family) is still asleep.  That fact alone makes staying at work until 10:00 PM a unique experience for me. I’m also over 60 now. Running around on a hard tile floor at a high intensity for 12 hours is a much different experience than it was in my 40s and early 50s. The day that I worked my double shift last month was actually a 26,000 step day. My Oura ring told me so! 

Without a doubt, the biggest thing that has changed since my last double shift at Joe’s five years ago is the fact that I no longer drink. In the past, the very first thing I would do when I finished one of my double (or triple) shifts would be to head over to Big Bowl or Hub 51 for a late night snack and a couple glasses of wine. Chicken nachos and a glass of Hahn Chardonnay is a nice reward at the end of a long day. Unwinding with some spicy peanut noodles, beef satay and a Meomi Pinot Noir is a pretty good finish as well. Red, white, rose… it didn’t matter. I was an inclusive wine drinker. I loved it all! 

As I was driving to work that Friday morning last month for my double shift, I actually found myself a little unsettled thinking about the fact that my long day would end without the same ritual & reward that it used to end with. To be clear, there was no chance I was at risk of going out and having a drink that night. I’m well beyond those days. It was more a matter of me noticing that I was being presented yet another hurdle to clear in my new life after my breakup with wine. 

On Saturday this past weekend. I got a text from a friend that said, “I hope you have a nice birthday tomorrow, Jim.” I’ve only known this friend for a couple of years, so at first glance, I presumed that he just had my birthday date confused. A few minutes later, a second text came through saying “Sobriety birthday/anniversary I meant to say (11/17/2021)”.

I’ve had this three year “Sober-versary” in the back of my mind for a while now, but unlike my one and two year anniversaries, I have not been looking towards this day with any particular anticipation. I’m sure I would have brought the date to the front of my mind eventually, but I had actually sort of forgotten that it was going to be three years. Over time, many of our milestone celebrations gradually fade off into the distance. Divorce-a-versaries, First Date–a-versaries and other mile markers seem less significant with the passage of time. To me, the sobriety hurdles I have cleared in the last year have been a lot more tied to life experiences than to specific dates on the calendar. 

In many ways, it’s hard to believe that it has been three years since I chose a new path in life without wine as my coping mechanism, ritual, reward and sometimes best friend. It’s been an amazing journey of self discovery and when I think about things that I’m proud of myself for in this lifetime, moving beyond daily use of wine and spirits is very near to the top of that list. 

Even though I am well past the need to drink as a coping mechanism or habit, I do still miss the reward and celebration aspect of a good glass of wine. In the early days of sobriety it was hard to go out for a nice dinner without walking away feeling like the whole experience was somewhat incomplete. I used to order a non-alcoholic beer or bring a bottle of NA wine with me when we went out for a nice dinner as a surrogate. Now I am perfectly content with my water and tea. 

One of my more interesting and challenging sobriety hurdles was the 2022 Super Bowl when the Los Angeles Rams defeated the Cincinnati Bengals. As a long suffering Detroit Lions fan, I was so excited to watch former Lion Matt Stafford win the SuperBowl he never had a chance to win in Detroit. I remember desperately wanting a big glass of buttery chardonnay that night as I watched that game in the first few fledgling months of my sobriety. It’s amazing how much of my celebratory energy is tied to consumables. Food and wine are some of the quintessential ways we celebrate in life. Perhaps another hurdle awaits me this coming February if my upstart Lions keep winning and make it to the SuperBowl for the first time ever? I think I still have a bottle of Dom Perignon in the basement. I might need to crack it and have a sniff even if I don't have a taste. 

So today I begin year number four as someone who is no longer a daily wine drinker. If you are wondering whether or not I will ever have another glass of wine in this lifetime, the answer is "I just don't know yet." I fancy the idea of having a celebratory glass of top notch, jammy and delicious cabernet on a special occasion at some point in the distant future. What I do know is that today is not that day, and in all probability, I’ll be making another post a year from now reflecting on my four years of sobriety.

Perhaps this will be the year that I play my first round of golf without a drink, take my first beach vacation without a drink or go on my first guy’s party weekend without a drink. Whatever the year ahead brings, I am confident that I will take it in stride and if all goes as planned, I’ll clear the hurdles that appear in my path. 

By the way, If you are curious about a deep reflection I shared last year on my two year anniversary, you can look back at the post titled Celebration and Grief: My two year anniversary of Sobriety on my website. I also had a shorter blurb titled Season 2: Episode #1 on my one year anniversary. 

Thanks for staying connected to my life by following my writing. I'm winding down a huge ghostwriting project that I have been working on for over a year, which should give me more time to invest in my own writing again in 2025. Until then, I look forward to checking in with you a few more times in 2024 and I always love hearing back from you if you are so inclined. 

Peace and blessings for a beautiful week,