Bowling For Dollars

When I was growing up in metro Detroit, I loved watching a TV show called Bowling For Dollars. The show was actually the brain child of a TV executive from Rochester New York, who started a local bowling show on community access television where contestants were picked from an audience and offered an opportunity to roll a few frames for cash and prizes. Based on its success in western New York, the show wound up getting franchised throughout the United States. Many of us who grew up in the 1970s and 1980s had our own hometown version of bowling for dollars on one of the local channels. To me, the photo in the header image screams out "This is the 1970s" every bit as much as That '70s Show does. 

One of the special features of Bowling For Dollars was the fact that each contestant who was live in the studio also picked a card from a fishbowl to choose what the show called a Pin Pal . The Pin Pal was an at home viewer who would win the same money and prizes as the on air bowler would earn. I sent in more than a few postcards over the years in an attempt to be selected as a Pin Pal, but never got my name picked.

I’m not sure what got me thinking about that show this week. Maybe it’s the fact that we’re having a bowling party this coming weekend for my six year old daughter Emma. More likely it’s because twice in the last week in conversations with friends, I’ve made a reference to the fact that sometimes I feel like I’m trying to bowl in multiple lanes of life at the same time. Of course with that, there comes a story!

Most people I know are trying to wear multiple hats at the same time these days. Long gone are the days I grew up in back in those 1970s where the average adult had only one job, a hobby or two and perhaps a church or a social organization that they were involved with. Many households with children had a single wage earner so that the other parent could focus on childcare and managing the emotional load of the household.

These days it seems like in most cases, each member of the household has multiple roles and countless activities to attend to on an everyday basis. In a two parent household, it is common for both adults to have at least one job if not two, all the while trying to be decent parents, squeeze in a workout here and there and do the shopping. This is all done while still trying to find time to be involved with a group outside the family unit itself in order to get additional and much needed community and connection. It can be a recipe for disaster and exhaustion.

And that brings us to the conversations with friends that I was referring to earlier in this post, where I used the analogy that I sometimes feel like I am bowling in multiple lanes of life all at the same time. Like many of you, my life has numerous lanes that I’m trying to fill on a weekly basis. First and foremost, I have the husband and father lane. Beyond that I am firmly entrenched in the entrepreneurial lane. My writer parts have not only these weekly pieces, but also other longer personal projects AND a 50,000 word memoir manuscript I’m writing for a client. Speaking about clients, I have my coaching lane. Some clients at times fill an entire lane on their own in more challenging times for them. Don't forget the son lane. My mom is not only a big part of my life, I consider her one of my best friends. 

In another part of the bowling alley of my life I have the physical wellness lane, as I work to heal my gut from candida by following a six month to one year cleanse. There’s the all important mental health lane, as I journey through IFS parts work and EMDR therapy simultaneously. I’ve got my men’s work lane, my spiritual practice lane, my one day a week at Joe’s Stone Crab lane and my yoga and fitness lane. Oh, and then there is my long term nemesis, the financial security lane. That one seems to have been repeatedly hitting the reset button on me and inadvertently knocking down all my pins for most of my adult life. 

Sometimes I literally feel like I’m running from lane to lane, haphazardly chucking balls down the alley at pins that I have little to no chance of hitting, because I’m trying too hard to make a strike in all the lanes of my life, every single time I stare down the the alley at the pins. Before I even get to the fourth or fifth lane to throw my first ball, lane number one is calling me to throw my second ball. There isn't a ball rack in the Universe that seems to be able to hold enough balls for me to keep up the game of bowling for life in my world these days. 

Side note... have you ever rolled a perfect game? 

I know for sure that I have not rolled a 300 at any point, not even in a video game! I think maybe one time I broke 200, but that is a maybe at best and if it did happen, it was many years ago and came with a lot of dumb luck. Why is it then, that I somehow continue to hold out the belief that in order to win the game of life, I must be able to throw a strike in every lane of my life, every single time I step up to the foul line? 

I have been pondering that exact thought for a number of days now, ever since I accidentally and coincidentally made the bowling lane reference to two different friends over the last week. Maybe I'm trying too hard? Maybe I'm trying to fix every aspect of myself in short order, even though it took me years to create the imbalances I have created over time. Maybe I am trying to be the perfect father, husband and son all the time, even when I am feeling a little short on resources for myself. In another aspect of my life, perhaps I am trying to make the "perfect" decisions about how to use the time and energy I have available to me to make money and as a result, I create too much pressure to be perfect in all the paths that I walk on vocationally. 

That old paradigm belief system about money and vocation that I have been holding on to is the product of the very social construct that I mentioned that I grew up in, where adults had one job and a limited number of other interests. I am a hard working, taking action kind of person. I have always had some sort of side hustle, but for the majority of my life I have produced 90% or more of my revenue from a single source with some sort of regular and steady paycheck.

Over the last five years though, things have shifted for me and I have a multitude of revenue streams, none of which meet the entirety of my family's needs. Despite that, somehow things always seem to work out, even if at times it can feel a bit uncomfortable and inconsistent. If you had asked me two years ago whether or not I saw myself writing an entire book for somebody other than myself, I would have said, "No way!" Yet here I sit about two months away from completion of that project, wondering what doors might open for me next? 

One of my root teachers is a man named Mike Dooley. Mike is a New York Times best selling author who teaches on a number of core principles related to the belief that our thoughts become things, taking action breeds clarity and the deck is always stacked in our favor. I've had the chance to work in person with Mike over a dozen times and have spoken at a number of his conferences. Mike's take on faith is that it can be distilled down to two primary things; life experience plus understanding. At times it can be hard to understand what plan God/The Universe has for me, but my life experience has taught me that ultimately things always work out when I trust my inner compass, lean into the possibilities and surrender to the current of life. 

So maybe this bowling for dollars thing doesn't need to be something that creates overwhelm and uncertainty for me? If I listen to me own teachings, have a little faith and continue to take action, I will get the answers I need as I need them. My wife Christiana and I have both been saying that we feel like something big is shifting for us, both individually and as a family. How fitting it is then that we will spend this Sunday throwing a bowling party for our daughter Emma's 6th birthday. Maybe we will make a few strikes. We'll probably throw a few gutter balls as well. we will for sure be using more than one lane at time, but no matter what happens, I have to believe that things will work out pretty well, even if they might not always be as regular and steady as they used to be. 

What lanes of life are your biggest areas of focus these days? And more importantly, are you okay just knocking down a few pins at a time instead of needing to throw a strike? I always love to hear what comes up for people after they read one of my reflections and I encourage you to reach out and share your thoughts if you feel so inclined. Well that's all for this week. All the best for a fantastic 7th through 10th frame!

Peace and blessings, 

Jim