Getting to the Heart of the Matter - Thoughts on Love

I woke up this morning to the news of another mass shooting. This time it struck a little closer to home for me in that it happened at a place I frequented back in my earlier years. While all such inexplicable tragedies are heartbreaking, the ones that have a direct and personal connection for us can be even harder to process. I felt this way after the shooting in Highland Park, Illinois last year which is quite close to our home on the north side of Chicago. I feel that way again this morning as I remember my time back at hockey camp at Michigan State University as a young boy or as I reflect on my many visits to the MSU campus as a rival Michigan Wolverine during the 1980s. 

I also had a decidedly deep emotional reaction to the news of the earthquake in Turkey and Syria last week. It was just about 20 years ago that my friend and first ever karate instructor, Sensei Bambouyani lost his wife Zahra and daughter Sima in the earthquake in Bam, Iran. I treasure my memories of eating a delicious home cooked Persian lunch with Sensei and Zahra after training and playing at the dojo with Sima when she was still too young to be in school. As a husband and father now, I shudder to think about the magnitude of grief created by such a devastating loss. 

As I sit here on this Valentine's Day afternoon and contemplate about why these tragedies that have a closer personal connection are harder for me to process, I can't help but continue to come back to the same conclusion over and over again. 

The answer is because I still haven't learned how to love with my whole heart and without condition.

Now let me be perfectly clear that I am not throwing myself under the bus or implying that I am a thoughtless person here. I'm simply pointing out that I am human and like most people, I would be well served to continue to look deep inside and ask myself if the underlying energy in everything I do is based in love or whether it is based in fear. I think it would be valuable at this point to take a few moments to reflect a bit further on the topic of love in an attempt to answer that question about my underlying energy. 

Just yesterday my It's About Life podcast partner Deb Frischmon and I published an episode for Valentine's Day where we talked about love from a number of different perspectives. If you'd like to hear the whole thing you can listen to it at the link here. In the episode I talked about the four different types of love that are written about in the ancient texts and scriptures. 

The first thing that typically comes to mind for people when the think about love (especially on Valentine's Day) is what the ancient Greeks would have labeled as Eros. Eros is a love that is rooted in the material plain or in the body. It is passionate, captivating and exciting. It can also in most cases be rather fleeting. While I certainly believe that sexuality is essential and passion can last a lifetime, to attempt to comprehend a full knowledge of love through only Eros is at the root of much of our disconnect with the meaning of love as a species. 

The second type of love called Storge, is a type of love that is best represented by the love that a parent feels for a child from the moment the child comes into being. I offer no personal opinion on when that "beingness" begins. In my case, my daughter Emma had an energetic presence and we made a soul contract long before she was ever even conceived. Storge is an infinite love that is built upon deep emotional connection and it is innate, yet it still exists very much a human body and the emotional body. 

Love that is built in shared experiences and mutual respect falls under the category of Philia. This type of love is best exemplified by the non-romantic love that exists between intimate friends and/or other family members. Our ability to truly appreciate the beauty of Philia is dependent on our understanding that intimacy can be experienced outside the context of sexuality. Relationships that are steeped in Philia give us a place to be seen, to be vulnerable and provide us a safe haven that we can trust. 

The highest form of love is referred to as Agape. Agape is love that is given with no expectation of receiving anything at all in return. Living one's life led by the desire to offer Agape is to spread love regardless of circumstance and without condition. It is the love we experience when we feel held in the heart of the Divine and we transcend our human based fears. Agape is expressed through acts of devotion and charity: It flourishes where there is a collective energy that focuses on WE over the ME. 

It is this Agape that I speak of when I make note of the fact that I still have not learned how to love with my whole heart. As I continue to put the effort into refining my ability to love without condition that I learn how to feel an equal level of compassion to all of my fellow humans in all situations regardless of whether or not they strike a personal chord for me or hit closer to home. 

So what does all this mean on this day that professes to be a celebration of love? Here's what it means to me. 

In times of tragedy it is easier for humans to switch from a ME energy to a WE energy. That shift does NOT take place because of anything that happens in our minds. That shift has everything to do what takes place in our hearts. When we let down the armor that we build around our hearts to protect ourselves, we tap into the possibility of creating a ripple of change that can sweep through even those who are most resistant to let go of their fears. It is fear after all that creates all separation. When we humans as a collective can learn to live in a WE energy instead of a ME energy in all situations that we can truly ascend to a state of Agape for all. That is the type of love that I aspire to understand at the deepest level! 

So on this Valentine's Day I leave you with my love and blessings. My hope is that with each passing day we all grow closer together even when it seems that we are still far apart. Be patient, love will find a way. 

Jim