Heat and Shadows

Is the summer heat getting to you yet? Here in Chicago we are just now into our first stretch of sweltering heat even as much of the rest of the country has been setting record high temperatures for well over the last month. Earlier this week, I found myself in the park with my daughter Emma after school, wishing that I could find some shade as my sun drenched shadow cast itself down on the sizzling concrete of the school playground with nary a tree in sight. 

That same day before my sun drenched park visit, I was in a conversation about shadows that had a distinctly different flavor. This time the conversation had nothing to do with summer heat or the sweltering afternoon sun, but instead it had everything to do with my life long quest to have a deeper understanding of self. Over the years I have increasingly come to realize that in order to discover and unveil fullest expression of our true self, it is necessary to take a hard look at what lurks in the shadows of our psyche. 

For those of you who are less familiar with the term shadow from a psychological standpoint, our shadow self consists of the parts of us that we would rather hide away from the rest of the world out of shame and/or fear of rejection. It is fairly common for people to see the the parts of themself that the like the least as flawed, dirty, unlovable or in some other way less then. Maybe as you are reading this you are even thinking about some of your own shadow parts?

My recent conversation about shadow work happened as I was working with one of my fellow classmates in a year long Process Oriented Facilitation Program I am taking about healing trauma, shame, addictions and other common challenges we all face as humans. My partner Desiree was practicing the role of facilitator and I was going through the facilitation process as the client. One of the things that came up for me as we were role playing a conflict situation, was this version of Jim's self that shuts down and emotionally withdraws during conflict. In our practice session we named that part of me "Mopey JIm."

For a number of years I've been working relentlessly on moving beyond self-pity as an automatic habitual collapse. More recently from some of the men's psycho-spiritual work I have been doing, I've also put a great deal of effort in not withdrawing from conflict and shutting down emotionally. In fact I've put so much effort into not feeling sorry for myself and/or shutting down emotionally, that it has created a psychological tug of war between two distinctly different parts of me that share the common goal of Jim's self preservation. As a result, I have moved these aspects of myself soundly into the shadow parts category and I usually view them both with a great amount of shame and self-loathing. 

During the work with my classmate, Desiree in her role as facilitator gave me permission to go fully into my mopeyness and let it get as big as it possibly could without hiding it or holding it in shame. Wouldn't you know, that what came out of the work was a new appreciation for Mopie Jim. Being given permission to explore a part of myself as that I have otherwise been pathologizing, opened a door for me to not only accept Mopey Jim, but to actually embrace him as a protector and healer. 

Finding a place that allows me to feel all the feels I need to feel when saddened by some level of conflict can be a healthy place to explore, as long as it doesn't lead me down a path to ongoing morosity. In that space of temporarily exploring my need to withdraw, it is easier for me to process anger and prevent myself from developing lingering resentment. I walked away from my practice session with Desiree feeling like I had done six months of therapy in one day,. 

So what are some of the parts of you that are looking to come out of the shadows in the hope of being understood, embraced and more fully healed << Test First Name >>? These new Process Oriented Facilitation tools that I've been working on for six months are powerful and I am already incorporating aspects of them into my regular coaching and healing work. Starting next month. I will be offering one or two free somatic healing sessions per month so that I can refine my skills further. If you are interested in offering your time in exchange for some self-exploration, click on this link to my website and enter your name on the contact form submission at the bottom of the page. Include the message "somatic healing session" in the message box and I'll put your name on the list. 

Well that's all for this week. Stay cool and thanks as always for being connected to my life. Peace and blessings, 

Jim