Look Both Ways Before Crossing into the Rest of Your Life

Last week while my daughter Emma's Spring break from preschool was winding down, we made the time to have one of our impromptu Daddy and Emma adventures to get some lunch and grab an ice cream together. Over the last few years this exact set of circumstances has played out more times than I can even remember. I'm exceedingly grateful that as an entrepreneur I have more control over my schedule than I would have had in previous chapters of my life. On this particular luncheon getaway though, I couldn't help but take notice that these middle of the week, midday adventures are becoming a much less common occurrence and that our ability to do things like this will be reduced even further when Emma starts kindergarten this coming fall. 

As we were driving towards our lunch destination, I noticed an elderly man standing by the side of the road on Lincoln Avenue in front of the Old Town School of music. He was short and a bit hunched over. I could see his fabulous grey beard sticking out over the front of his coat and he held a pipe between his teeth as he was waving his cane in the air to get the attention of drivers to stop so that he could safely cross the street in the designated crosswalk marked on the pavement. In some ways he reminded me of the Santa Claus at the local shopping mall. I honored his right of way by stopping to allow him to cross, at which point a very hungry Emma said, "Daddy why are we stopping? There's no red light and I want to get my lunch!" 

I explained to Emma that we were stopping because there was a crosswalk and that we were required to give right of way to pedestrians even though there was no stoplight. Once the man was sure that I had come to a full stop, he double checked by looking both ways. He even paused and looked each way a second time before he slowly proceeded across the street. There was no element of rush in his demeanor at all. He was going to take all the time he needed to get safely across the street and he was going to wait until he got the full clearing that he wanted before he took even one step out into the road.

After the man was safely on the other side of Lincoln Avenue, Emma and I continued on our adventure to Culver's for her favorite grilled cheese with french fries and a dish of soft serve frozen custard. During the meal, I decided to leave my phone in my pocket despite the fact that Emma was engrossed in an episode of Daniel Tiger on her tablet. It would have been easy for me to check out of the moment and scroll through emails or Facebook, but I chose instead to just watch Daniel Tiger with Emma and interact with her about the show realizing that these moments are passing far too quickly. Lunch took way longer than it should have with the distraction of the tablet, but where else did I really need to be on a Spring break afternoon? 

After lunch we went to Trader Joes. Ever since Emma was a baby she and I have gone to Trader Joes together. At first it was while she was in her car seat and I would set her in the main part of the cart and cram all the groceries in around her. Later when she got big enough to sit up I would put her in the shopping cart sitting upright and she would tote her lamb and kitty through the store laughing all the way. These days she mostly wants to bring the tablet into the store with us so she can play a game or watch a program while I shop, but on this particular day she asked me if they still had any of the special little carts that Trader Joes marks with a flag that says Shopper in Training so she could help me with the shopping. 

I honesty haven't seen one of those kiddie carts at Trader Joe's in ages, but to our great good fortune they had one right at the front door when we entered the store. Emma grabbed the cart, put her purple panda named Cutie Bear into the basket and off we were to round up the essentials we needed for the day. We had the best time shopping. Even though our experience took twice as long as it would have if I put Emma in a full size cart and flew through the store, I did my best to surrender into the experience, once again with the deep sense of knowing that our mid-afternoon adventures to an uncrowded Trader Joe's store were not going to occur with much frequency in the future. 

Over the last few weeks I've been given a number of opportunities to think about just how well I'm doing at surrendering into the moment when it comes to these precious moments as they are unfolding in life. These are the moments parents with adult children refer to when the say, "Enjoy it while you can....before you know it they'll want to have nothing to do with you!" 

On our trip to the Wisconsin Dells a few weeks back, I put a great deal of effort into not getting swept up in the commotion of the travel and the crowds and to instead tired to savor the moments with my family. When we to Michigan a week ago to prepare our cottage for the summer rental season it would have been all too easy for me to engross myself in projects each day, but instead I tried to focus on moving a bit slower, staying at the park a bit longer or stopping in at the library to spend time with my wife Christiana and Emma while they were playing there instead of taking advantage of the opportunity to go off on my own for a long bike ride like I typically would have done in the past. 

Overall I'd say I would have to give myself a C+ in the art of surrender over Spring break. I'm proud of myself for noticing that I wanted to savor these moments. At the same time I realize that there is still more work to do in terms of creating a balance between my "inner taskmaster" and his tug of war with the "trying to be more in the moment" version of myself. 

On Easter Sunday which was the final day of our Spring break, I found myself wistfully reminiscing about how this chapter in my life of Daddy and Emma adventure time is coming to a close. I couldn't help but wonder if by next year the Easter Bunny will be a humorous story instead of a magical arrival. Perhaps even by as soon as this Christmas the questions about the nature of the story of good old Saint Nick will start to come. Of course Emma and I will have plenty of other new adventures on the path ahead, but I know with every fiber of my being that it will never be quite like it is right now in this magical moment.

Emma's interests are always changing. At some point in the next year or two we may very likely have a new home base and the streets of Chicago may not be right at our back door. Being a full time entrepreneur has great benefits, but also comes with challenges so how my vocational path unfolds continues to be a mystery. I do everything I can to stay in great health, but as a father in my fifties I am not interested in waiting for when I have "more time" later in life to start living it. Taking the time to slow down and savor these moments right now is in many ways the greatest gift I can possibly give myself and as hard as it is to let go of all the other things that I think I should  be doing, I know that I have made the right choice to prioritize my time with Emma while I have had the chance. The one thing that I have never heard any parent say is this.

"I sure wish I worked more, spent less time at home and was a lot busier when my kids were young."

As we were driving home from our lunch at Culver's and shopping at Trader Joe's last week, I followed the same route that we used to get to our destinations. While traveling north on Lincoln Avenue as we drove past the Old Town School of Music, I looked to the side of the road and what to my wondering eyes did appear that same little old man waving his cane in the air again, this time to cross back to where he originally came from. More than a couple of hours had passed since we had seen him on our way to lunch. I couldn't help but think that the odds of him crossing the street in both directions at the exact moment we were driving past both times were astronomical, but sure enough there he was. 

As I slowed the car down to a stop, Emma looked out the window, noticed the man and said, "Daddy, Daddy... it's the same man with the cane we saw on the way to Culver's!" As stunned as I was to see the same man again, I was even more stunned that my five year old daughter had the attention to detail and recognition to know it was the same man. I often say that Emma has a particularly sharp eye which is now a phrase that she repeats back to me with great delight. As the man began to cross the street Emma smiled at me in the rear view mirror and in her sweet little voice quietly said, "He kinda looks a bit like Santa Claus." 

If we hadn't taken our time at lunch we would have been back on Lincoln Avenue heading north long before the man with the cane and the pipe crossed the road for the second time. If Trader Joe's had not had one of the Shopper in Training carts we would have shopped more quickly and likely would have blown past the Old Town School of Music much sooner than our Saint Nick look a like was on his own journey home. Part of me thought that this was a nearly impossible set of circumstance, but another part of me couldn't help but wonder if there was some mystical and magical force leaving an opportunity out there for me to either notice or to not notice. The only variable in the whole experience might have been my making the time to look both ways before crossing into the rest of my life...


I hope you enjoyed this week's story. I pray that the chapters of your life that have yet to be written are filled with mystery, magic and maybe even a visit from the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus, << Test First Name >>. Stay tuned for more about my website launch next week and thanks to the many of you who inquired about its status. Taking time to stop and smell the roses sometimes means rearranging schedules and surrendering into a revised plan. Also keep your eyes out for Episode #17 of the It's About Life podcast which will be at your favorite streaming service this weekend. Until next time! 

Sending you love and blessings,

Jim