The Spirit of Christmas Present

As the week of Christmas draws to a close and we approach New Year's Eve, I find myself feeling a little disappointed. In a more trivial area, I'm disappointed that we did not get any snow in the midwest for Christmas. There was no sledding, no snow angels and it most definitely was NOT a white Christmas. On a deeper personal level, I'm disappointed that so many people I know including myself are struggling in some way. As I look around my immediate circle of acquaintances, the Chicagoland community and the global landscape, I can't help but see a lot of pain and suffering. I'm also disappointed that Christmas is already over and I never really found myself feeling much of the Christmas spirit this time around: It just never really washed fully over me this year. 

It's not that I didn't have moments of joy or that I am not grateful for my many blessings. To me though, the feeling I'm looking for to help me feel that I am fully in the spirit of the season is the one where I randomly and suddenly get that tingling sensation throughout my whole body. Or the one when I feel my heart is filling up so big that I think it is going to burst inside my body like the Grinch's heart when he learns that the true meaning of Christmas down in Whoville has nothing to do with material stuff. Or that inexplicable sensation of finding myself tearing up at unsolicited thoughts of just how beautiful life is, how much unconditional love exists everywhere and the overall immensity of the Universe. That's the feeling I was hoping for that never quite came. 

I got close to that feeling a couple of times. There was that moment when I was out shopping for my wife and daughter in the Lincoln Square neighborhood, which many people used to refer to as Old Germantown. To this day, Lincoln Square has a bit of an Alpine flavor about it which to me feels very Christmassy, even though the old Meyer's Delicatessen is now Gene's Sausage Shop and the iconic Chicago Brauhaus closed its doors for the last time in December of 2017. On that day of shopping a few weeks back, I got a slight stirring of emotion that made me almost feel like I was going to be engulfed by the Christmas Spirit. It took me back to a time six years ago when I bought my daughter Emma her very first doll before she was even born. It was a little freckled girl with red hair and a green dress which I bought at the Irish import store near the Square. I felt really Christmassy that year. We had assumed there was a pretty good chance Emma might have red hair since my wife's family has a strong genetic tendency. That was one of the first of many surprises Emma has brought to my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Then there was that other time where I got a small taste of the Christmas spirit on Christmas Eve morning when I was leaving the gym after an early workout. I was in a hurry to get home so that my wife Christiana would have enough time to get a nice walk before we got ready for Mass at 4:00 PM at Queen of All Saint's Basilica which has become our annual tradition. On my way back to the car I couldn't help but notice the number of refugee families lining the streets with signs written on cardboard asking for help. This particular sight has become all too commonplace in many parts of Chicago that have any amount of foot traffic.

Every single refugee family I have crossed paths with on the streets over the last few months have been wearing friendly, smiling faces even if they are not often wearing the clothes they need to stay warm on the streets. I wish I could help all of them, but since that is not possible, I try to make it a point to give $10 or $20 to a family once a week or so. I have also occasionally bought food for families who are camped out by my neighborhood Trader Joe's or other food stores. We may not be flush with excess resources right now, but we are certainly capable of helping out here and there where we can. 

I didn't have much cash with me on Christmas Eve, otherwise I probably would have given $10 or $20 to each of the half dozen families I saw between the gym and my car. All I had with me on Christmas eve were a few singles and a $100 bill that I had received as part of an early Christmas present. I was carrying that $100 bill with me in case I saw something I wanted for myself, but didn't really need. I always think that one of the best ways to use gift cash or gift cards is to do something that you might not normally do for yourself, like get a massage or go to a performance or buy an item that may seem a bit frivolous. 

With each family I passed, I felt a greater sense of urgency to do something to help, but I was also feeling the pressure to get home in a timely manner. That plus the fact that I didn't have much cash on me and that I tend to worry about money everyday caused me to try to turn a blind eye to the whole situation like so many people have to do so many times when there are so many in need. The last family I passed before I got to my car was a father and mother with a single daughter who looked be about the same age as my daughter Emma. She waved at me and smiled seeming as if she had not a care in the world. I wondered how she could seem so at ease with life despite what I assumed were challenging circumstances in an unfamiliar world. I also wondered what her Christmas morning was going to look like? It certainly wasn't going to look like my daughter Emma's Christmas morning, with presents under the tree, a warm comfy robe and a hot breakfast. 

And then just like that, as if Jacob Marley's ghost or the Spirit of Christmas Present hand delivered me a personal message, I knew exactly what I could do to make a small difference. At the end of a day, on the streets all of these children and their families in all probability would be returning to some sort of makeshift shelter or tent city where they would eat whatever rations they had acquired during the day or whatever meal a local food pantry would provide for them on Christmas Eve. What almost certainly would NOT happen though, is that none of these children would not have a wrapped gift to open up on Christmas morning which would unveil a new toy car or doll to play with. 

So I tossed my backpack with my sweaty workout clothes in the back of my very reliable, safe, warm luxury SUV. I turned around and started walking back to Timeless Toys in Lincoln Square where I have purchased many of my daughter's gifts through the years. Along the way I counted the total number of children I passed on my way to the toy store deciding that I would take that number and divide by $100 to calculate how much I could spend on each child. I hastened my way through the store grabbing a half a dozen small toys, four for the the boys I counted and two for the girls. I kept everything to about $15, except for the $25 set of Calico Critters I got for the little girl who looked to be about the same age as Emma. 

When I got to the front of the store to make my purchase, a nice lady behind the counter asked me if I would like any of the items wrapped. I told her that I wanted everything wrapped and she then asked me if she could put them all in the same box or gift bag, so I had to explain to her what I was doing. Not only did she wrap each of them individually, but she also put each of the wrapped gifts in a holiday gift bag with some tissue paper and an extra little trinket. To top it all off she gave me a 10% discount which conveniently brought my total in just below $100, the exact amount I had in my pocket from a gift I set aside to do something nice for myself. This indeed was the BEST thing that I possibly could have done for myself! 

I exited the store and walked down the streets of Lincoln Square feeling as close to Santa Claus as I have ever felt in my life. As I passed each family, I said "Merry Christmas" and I handed each child one of the bags with a wrapped gift and then I continued on my way without looking back to see the reaction. I was allowing myself to feel the joy of giving while at the same time, challenging myself not to seek too much ego food for my simple efforts. 

When I was done handing off the final gift to the little girl who just about Emma's age, I jumped back in my car. I took a moment to sit with all the thoughts that were running through my mind. I allowed myself to ever so slightly tap into the mixture of joy and sadness that was stirring around in my heart. Within minutes though, I got swept back into the freneticism of the day as I raced to get home and make lunch for my daughter and it wasn't until much later when we were on the way to the 4:00 PM Mass that it all hit me and I started to sob. It was as if a lifetime of feeling the pain of so many others hit me in a single tidal wave of empathy for the plight of so many good people. 

These are tough times to be human. Everybody I know is feeling some level of uncertainty and unrest. In times like this, I find it essential to remember that the simple actions we choose to take in our own lives and in the immediate community around us actually do have a global effect. As I reflect back on it all, I come to realize that one of the main reasons I never got fully into the spirit of the season is because I convinced myself that I had to be frugal with my resources this year. I have once again been living in a place where I have been consumed by a scarcity mindset, when the truth is I am abundant in nearly all aspects of my life already. It was only when I allowed myself to give without fear of running out, that I started to open up and truly access all those feelings that I had been seeking to feel that tell me that I am in the Christmas Spirit. 

It was 180 years ago on December 19, 1843 that Charles Dickens first published A Christmas Carol. In doing so he introduced us to a myriad of characters in both human and spirit form from his brilliant imagination. In many ways he invented many of the modern Christmas celebrations we have come to practice on an every year basis. If you haven't watched the movie The Man Who Invented Christmas, I highly recommend it. The movie tells the tale of how Dickens wrote the novella, created the characters from his everyday experiences and the people he met on the streets of London.

One of my favorite parts of A Christmas Carol is when Scrooge is visited by the joyful ghost of Christmas present, who represents generosity and good will. This jolly and joyful ghost shows Scrooge scenes of people sharing what they have with each other, even if they have very little. In doing so, he reminds Scrooge that true abundance comes from within and it is cultivated in the spirit of giving and sharing the celebration of life with everyone regardless of their circumstance. In some ways, that little girl who was about Emma's age who looked like she didn't have a care in the world despite living on the cold streets of Chicago was my very own personal Ghost of Christmas Present. Her gift is a gift that I will continue to cherish for many years to come. 

Well that's all for this year! I wish you all a happy New Year. I'll be back in the first few days of 2024 with some fun announcements about new things on the path ahead. Until then, love and blessing to you all. 

Jim